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I got an email from Mon. Suddenly I feel grateful to receive that mail. At first I felt awkward to have such a feeling then I realized that I never ever mention to my friends that I am grateful to have friends like them.

My two bestest friends in high school was of course Norm and Mon. Mon was my roommate when I was in Form 1. Though I've been cracking my head up till I'm writing this entry, I can't remember how I first get acquainted with Norm. There are 4 other people in our clique, but I'm closest to Norm and Mon.

What I like most about my high school friends was how spontaneous they could be. They were not just spontaneous; they were crazy wild extreme passionately spontaneous. I read one of Mon's entry lately and I find that he still have the passion for spontaneity ;). One of the evidence that can prove that was our get away to PD after PMR. We didn't plan at all for that to happen. The final PMR paper was just over, the dorm rooms were quiet and lonely, when one of us; I don't remember who; said, "Let's go to PD." Then we booked a motel pack our bags and took a bus to PD just like that. No plan no nothing. I guess living in a boarding school made us become so spontaneous in order to take a break from the boring boarding school routine. It was so much fun to do something unexpectedly. There were no worries about consequences.

Ah, how I miss the time I spent with my high school friends. Going out every Saturday to Seremban town was a must even if that year we were going to have major exam like PMR and SPM. I still remember making a promise to myself, "Next year is SPM, I must not go out every week," But I still went out!

In this state I'm in, I just wish to spend some time with Mon and Norm like we spent our Saturdays in high school, maybe just go out and eat somewhere fancy. I also longed for Starbuck's Frappuchino. When I was in Shah Alam in Saturday, Norm called. He said he was in Subang Jaya. I was so eager to meet him, but he said he can't meet me because he wanted to see Malaysian Idol. I was like…what? But I don't blame him. He's been busy with work and he needed time for himself. Norm wanted to meet on Sunday but by then I should be driving back to Alor Setar.

People changes as time goes by. I can't expect friends to spend time with me now that they have work commitment. I think that's why some people just wanted to get marry as soon as possible. No matter how busy your spouse is, she or he is obliged to spend time with you. You have the right to demand you spouse's time. Wow, that can be scary…

Sometimes there are things that I want so say, but I have to oppress them because I fear the negative outcome or when I think that what I wanted so much to express will not change a bit of anything.

But still, I never know what the real outcome is when I do say what I want to say. It's like when you make a decision, you always hope for the better, yet you never know the output of your decision until you take the action.

This is one of the moments when I think it is better for me not to say anything. Instinctively, I know, what I will say will not change a thing. And I have to honestly admit, I fear that if I say it, things will only get worse.

I once read that a good writer writes clearly and never lets the readers wonder what is it that the writer is trying to convey. This is because, unlike speaking, writing filters all other aspects of communications like gestures and body language. Thus, a writer uses words alone to represent all the other parts of communications.

I am not a good writer.

I'm going to Shah Alam tomorrow.

On Saturday, I went to my brother's office family day in Ulu Paip, Kulim. There were barbeque and a cool dip in the river. I had a great time. It made me forget all the trouble with my scholarship for a moment.

Now, I'm back to reality. Just got myself a big bag, and Bibuk already left her scratching mark on it. Crazy cat! She just loves bags. I remembered how she used to scratch Norman's bag the moment Norman got into the house from his flight. Crazy cat!

IDP people advised me to book a ticket now, so I called my sponsors, but I got a confusing answer of what I must do to get a ticket. It seems that they can't approve my ticket if I don't have a letter of permission from my Dean. What a strange procedure! I thought the Dean chose me in the first place for the scholarship. Why should I get a permission letter then? If I really need that letter I don't know how long they will take to produce it…

Sigh, I don't want to complaint anymore. I'm going to meet my sponsor on the 26 and I hope I can settle all the things concerning my sponsorship. Now, I do what I can do, and hope that I can make it to the July semester…

Just got back from IDP Penang. Not in the mood at all to write. Wouldn't it be nice if all the people that I have to deal with right now have the same attitude like the IDP staff?

I am astound at the figure I see. This means that I can only buy one textbook a year. Got me grumpy all day long.

Where the hell is my entry on "Shell"? I've been reading through my blog archive and I can't find it. I guess I must somehow deleted it. Damn! How can I be so clumsy? From time to time, I like to read through my entries and make corrections to the grammatical mistakes. I don't know if doing that is ethical in this blogging thing. But I still do it cause I think it will improve my English. So my guess is I must deleted the "Shell" entry while I was revising my blog. Damn! I'm so clumsy...

My sister likes to call me Clumsy Smurf. In fact, I know that I can be very clumsy sometimes. Things like to slip through my hand while I was holding them. I always struck my foot on objects while walking. My hand-eye coordination is terrible. And my motor skill is worse. That's why I guess I'm not good at any sports. I used to feel embarrased for not being good in sports like other boys when I was little, but now I have come to the acceptance that I'm just not good at sports and I believe that they are people out there who are more terrible than me. Yes, I have met some of those people...LOL.

I guess I'm lucky to have a cat that is also clumsy. Once, bibuk fell in to the drain while doing her catwalk on the strip of cement next to the drain. Luckily the drain was dry. She bumped into the stairs while jumping up. She bumped onto the furniture in her moonlight madness frenzy until she was turned turtle and her ears bent backward. Clearly she was dizzy after that cause she kept on shaking her head as if she wanted to straighten her ears back. I read once that if a cat is clumsy and always bumped into things then something must be wrong with her ears. Hmm...I guess I should take Bibuk to see the vet soon. When I come to think of it, should I go see a doctor to examine my ears too? :)

Last night, I remembered about a dream a very best friend of mine had about me. He had this dream while I was still studying. At that time I rented a room from a landlord who liked to gamble and his house was a mahjong heaven! This it how the my very best friend's dream goes: When I think about the dream now, I can't help but smiling. Why would someone mistake me for Britney Spears? ;-) Alas, it's good to know that a friend is willing to save you even in dreams...

I wanted to write about this before but other ideas came in the way.

Last month, a truck carrying planks of wood turned over at the cross junction near my neighborhood. The freight blocked the road and there was a massive traffic jam. I went to buy burgers for my dinner near that junction. When I arrived, a crane and traffic police were already there. What fascinated me most was how people seem to enjoy watching the accident. There's nothing wrong to be able to feel joy over such a simple thing; in fact, it is a good thing since nowadays people seems to lost touch with the simple joys in life. But it is totally wrong to stop your vehicle at the roadside just to get pleasure from watching an overturned truck.

To my amazement, there were lots of motorcyclists who stopped by the roadside just to watch. And they formed some kind of jamboree thus making the traffic jam worse. While I was waiting for my burgers, a motorcyclist stopped nearby and watched the 'show' and left after a few minutes. Clearly, he didn't stop because of the traffic jam. I've heard from the radio that it is wrong to stop and watch when there is a road accident. But people still do it. This is one attitude Malaysians need to change.

Do you know that it is an offence to a leave your car in the middle of the road when you are involved in an accident? But for Malaysian, well most of us, anyway, arguing in the middle of the road about one license plate number that is broken is more important than other road users' convenience. Maybe, the unintentional wrong doing of others that have caused us a little lost is more important than the rest of the world!

So what do you do, if while you're driving, a car suddenly hit you from the back? First, of course you stop your car in the middle of the road, in case the car behind suddenly dashes away. Get down from your car and inspect the damages (this is not recommended if you are driving alone at night, and there's no other cars on the road!) At this time, the owner of the other car is expected to do just the same. Make a mental note of the other car's plate number. If your car is still able to move, pull it to the road side and advice the other driver to do the same. If the damages are severe and the car can no longer be driven, call a tow truck as soon as possible. Then, only after you let the traffic flow smoothly as before the accident, you can start arguing with the other driver. At this point, it is okay to start blaming and screaming at one another. The scenario described, however, is in an ideal situation, where the road is not congested and you are able to move your vehicle without the aid of traffic police.

You don't need to leave your vehicle after a minor accident on the road because to give evidence that the accident occur. The traffic police don't need that evidence. They can take pictures at the stations. The traffic police, on the other hand, can issue you a ticket if they think you're blocking the traffic…

A sheep was alone in the middle of nowhere. It had wandered away from its flock. People said a strayed sheep is likely to be devoured by hungry wolfs.

But beware! A lonely sheep in the middle of nowhere may not be a sheep at all. It may be a wolf in sheep clothing on its way to join a flock of sheep!

There are things that I love the texture or the smell so much that I want to bite and eat them. These things however, are inedible, and even toxic. I think the world would be a nicer place, if the products below are available in the market:

a) Edible crayon
- I just love the texture and smell of crayons when I was small, but I never eat crayons though on my crayon box was written 'non-toxic'. Wouldn't it be nice if red crayon tasted like strawberries, blue crayon like blueberries, yellow crayon like pineapple and brown crayon like chocolate? I wonder what should a grey crayon tasted like.

b) Edible scented candle
- I search the web and found this link on how to make and edible candle by using fruits…LOL

c) Edible fruity soap
- My oracle; the www that is; has told me this product is already available. Follow this link. And this one has a very good discussion concerning the practicality of an edible soap.

While doing this small research of edible things, I found this website, about a fruit that you can eat to make you smell sweet without wearing a perfume. There you go, a truly edible perfume.

Hmmm…such a crazy idea I have today. Alas, crazy ideas make the world go round!

Aesop once told a story of a fox, who came upon a bunch of grape hanging on a high vine. The fox jumped to get the grape, and after several attempt he failed. The fox gave up and went on his way saying, "I don't want those grapes, they're sour anyway!"

I also happened to know a fox, who faced a situation similar to the fox in Aesop's fable. But this fox was a little lucky; he managed to bite a mouthful of grapes on his first jump. The grapes were so sweet. However, there was still a bunch of grapes left hanging on the vine. The fox was still hungry and wanted to eat more, so he jumped again and again but he failed this time. He could just walk away like the fox in Aesop's fable, and denying the sweetness that still lingered in his mouth. On other hand, he could walk away while enjoying the remembrance of the grapes.

But this fox I know did not walk away. Instead, he just sat there not knowing what to do until a hunter came and shot him dead on the spot!

faux pas - \faux` pas"\ [French : faux, false + pas, step.] A false step; a mistake or wrong measure, a socially awkward or tactless act

In other words, open mouth insert foot. In the description field of my blog, I wrote "Never know what to say", but I don't display it. Well, in any circumstances that I face in everyday life, I never really know what to say. And if I did say something, I always said something wrong.

My uncle, Ayah Teh, is a retired sailor. Yesterday, his father in law past away, and me and my mom went to visit. Ayah Teh's in laws live in a village - a remote island on a green ocean of paddy field. There, I felt so out of place. Nobody knew me. During the reciting of tahlil, I couldn't help it but to stare at the boy who sat next to me. He looked so much like Jackie Chan. They could have been twins born 40 years apart LOL! The tahlil was done outside the house and the mosquitoes were drying my blood out. To make things worst, I was wearing a black Melayu outfit, and the mosquitoes just loved me even more. After tahlil, I was alone. A man came and tried to strike up a conversation. I was quite shy and didn't know what to say. Most of the time I was avoiding eye contact and the man must think that I'm rude and snobbish. He man suddenly left me and went into the house and I thought we were still in a middle of a conversation. It must be something I said. Another faux pas. Damn! I have to admit, that it is always difficult to me to break the ice. The main reason for that is I am shy…hmmm…

Then Ayah Teh came and talk to me. He asked me when I'm going to Oz. He said he had sailed to Brisbane and the people there were friendly. They were like small town people and they didn't give much trouble about color. There was no night life there. When we were talking, there was a faraway look in Ayah Teh's eyes. It's like he was gone to Brisbane once again. The conversation would be much nicer if Ayah Teh is not "landsick" most of the time…hmmm…

Today, I went to 3 wedding receptions. I'm not sure whether wedding reception fully describe a 'kenduri kahwin'. Now is school holiday, and everywhere it seems to me, there are 'kenduri'. The first 'kenduri' I went was in a village in Pasir, they served the most excellent food out of the 3 kenduri. The menu was nasi minyak, daging masak merah, pajeri and gulai batang pisang. Yes, BATANG PISANG cooked in gulai! Have any of you tasted gulai batang pisang before? Now I definitely need some sleep to help me digest those 'nasi minyak'…

Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup
They slither wildly as they slip away
Across the universe
Pools of sorrow, waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind
Possessing and caressing me

Jai Guru Deva Om

Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world
Nothing's gonna change my world

From Across the Universe, Lyrics and music by John Lennon and Paul McCartney

I woke up this morning with a determination that I must enrol in UQ this July. Alas, there's nothing I can do. Should I go shopping? I don't know...

Fairuz said that feeling nothing about going to Oz is an understatement. Well my friend, how can I feel anything when I'm not sure whether I can get there on time. But I have to state that I'm RELIEVED...and very grateful that UiTM confirmed that I got the scholarship (via the phone that is...still no black and white). At least I got a job. Alhamdulillah.

Where's the ******* letter? Oh...UiTM Di Hatiku...Usaha Jaya Mara...

1. UiTM has confirmed over the phone that my scholarship is approved and I can go to Oz this July. I'm relieved. The truth is I don't feel nothing about going to Oz. I'm not excited nor nervous. But right now I'm freaking out when I realized that I only have 6 more week to prepare. Yet, the official scholarship letter hasn't arrived yet. Can I make it to the July semester? Hmmm...

2. Today, I finish reading all...and I mean ALL Hans Christian Anderson fairytales...ALL 168 tales in a heavy 1140 pages book ( I only used to less than 200 pages of paperback)...I think it is quite unfair of me to always complaint that Mr. Anderson loved to preach when I enjoyed almost all of his fairytales. But still...he preached a lot!

3. Today, Nurin Damia Adani, my cousin's newborn healthy 4kg baby girl is 7 days old...I love u *cutie*

4. Bibuk learns how to knock today. I obliviously left her outside and closed the grill. Then I heard the grill being shook as if someone was trying to opened it. I looked, but there was no one outside. I looked down and there was Bibuk shaking the grill with her paw...

Once, a man felt very lonely. "I've got no one to talk to," he said. So, he took a stroll in a park. After a while, he felt tired and rested on a bench. As he was about to doze off a twig from a tree fell on his head. He suddenly got an idea. "Wouldn't it be nice if I can share my thoughts and feelings with the whole world? Then I will not be lonely anymore."

Quickly, he went home and search for his pen and a piece of paper. He expressed his feelings and thoughts for the day on the paper. He wrote a poem. From that day, he would write a poem a day. On the hundredth day, after writing his hundredth poem, he sent all his poems to a book publisher.

The publisher liked the lonely man's poems so well thus the poems were printed in a book. Lots of people like the book and the lonely man, who was now famously known as a poet, had many admirers. Some of the admirers had made acquaintance with the poet, and he regarded them as his friends.

But still the poet was very lonely. "I have so many friends," he said, "but I'm still lonely. I feel what I do is not enough. I haven't shared my thoughts and feelings with the whole world yet!"

Thus he wrote another hundred poems and published another book. People like his poems so well, that the publisher wanted him to write more books. The more books he wrote, the more admirers he had, and more acquaintance he made among his admirers. He regards them all as his friends. Despite being surrounded by friends, the poet felt lonelier than ever.

One day, the lonely man turned poet, took a stroll in a park. "I still have no one to talk to, even though I've shared my thoughts and feelings with the whole world," he thought as he was resting on a bench. Then, a stranger who never read any of the poet's poems, sat next to him on the bench. The poet recognized the stranger as his long-lost childhood friend.

The two of them went for coffee and talked all day long. The poet was no longer lonely. He had got someone to talk to.