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Selamat Hari Raya. So how did I spent my raya? Lucky for me, Adi’s friend gave us Indian food for Deepavali, and we had the food as our raya meal. Spent half of raya in Uni, keeping Adi company while he studied for his exam. And the day was blazing hot. After I came back from Uni, I went to Zariq’s house to chat.

How did I feel? Frankly, I feel glad not to be in the same cycle of activity my family went through every raya. But I miss my mom, bro, sis and Bibuk. I really miss my family. I miss the food. Since I was young, I really want to have a real kampong style raya with grandma and grandpa living in a wooden kampong house. I want a raya where family members from far away gather and cook lemang or dodol or ketupat together. Just like what I saw on TV. A kampong raya in kampong environment. But what to do? My family has been living in Alor Setar for five generations. My great grandfather’s house was at the site where now we have the post office next to the police station. Although Alor Setar is not such a big city, it does not provide a real kampong environment. My grandma on my father’s side did lived in a kampong but since my father died when I was very young, I’m not close with my father’s family and seldom go to his kampong. I think that’s why sometimes I feel hari raya can be quite boring.

Anyway, enough rambling for today, thank you very much...oh…I almost forgot, just now while checking my empty inbox, I realized that the Internet can be such a lonely place…

These few days, I've become a nocturnal creature, staying up all night and sleep all day long.

So I’ve decided not to go home. I feel quite sad about this. I always say that follow your heart is better than follow your logic, but now my decision is based on my logic. Let’s see what the outcome is.

Today I just submit my final assignment. My first semester in UQ is now officially complete. Hope for the best for my results…

I don’t like the way Adi been treating Zariq lately. I don’t know how Zariq really feels about this, but if I were him, I won’t feel good. Zariq had been asking Adi to help with his assignments, but Adi always refused. And Adi told me he refused because he doesn’t like people who do work last minute. Before I came to Uni last night, I saw Zariq knocked on Adi’s door. But before I knew it Zariq was gone and Adi was standing outside his house waving at me. Adi came to my house and told me that Zariq had come to ask about study again but his reply to Zariq was like “What do you want?!!” and “No, I want to rest tonite”. No wonder Zariq went so fast. Sekejap jek dah hilang dari pandangan. Adi told me before that he thinks Zariq only come and seek you out if he needs help. And I don’t like the way he thinks. If I think like him, I would say that he too only get close to me so that he can use the masters room!

On my way to Uni, I was thinking about Zariq. I had experiences before when people I knew could help didn’t want to help. I hate situations like that. Maybe Zariq is too cool to care about that. I don’t know. For me, Zariq is a nice guy. He’s an excellent cook. Wish I could tell him that he can ask for my help anytime. If I can help, I will help. At least, I will try to help. But to offer him help out of the blue will be so akward. Unless I want to tell him what Adi been saying about him...

Decided not to go back after I phoned scholarship department and asked about the change of my plan of studies. I totally absolutely definitely HATE CERTAIN PEOPLE IN THAT DEPARTMENT!!! Just wanna finish may masters and go back so that I don’t have to deal with them anymore. Ini yang kadang-kadang menyesal jadi lecturer kat sebuah universiti tu...

After looking at the 2004/5 summer semester booklet I am re-thinking about my decision to go home for Eid. I’ll have a lot of complications if I don’t take a summer course this year.

1. I have to change my plan of studies.
2. I have to add another semester or take 4 courses next semester.
3. I have to face scholarship department again!

In my plan of studies that I send to my sponsor I wrote that I plan to take eCommerce in summer. The problem is I just found that eCommerce is actually available this summer. But I don’t really want to take eCommerce because the course is only offered in St. Lucia; in fact I had a plan to change the whole plan of studies.

Should I study for two years or just finish everything next year and go home? I have book the flight. I feel like going home because I am not happy with my life right now. Probably the decision to go home was also influence by my argument with Billy. Not that I’m not happy being here, but I’m not happy with my whole life. I just got terribly lonely sometimes, And I’ve told so many people that I plan to go home on the 10th.

1. Mom, sis and bro
2. Readers of the blog
3. Emi
4. Norman
5. Pakkoq
6. Pkry
7. Bergita
8. Julie
9. Lin
10. Dave
11. Adi
12. Billy
13. Zariq (btw, he gave me a bag of dates before I came to uni tonite…tq Zariq…I haven’t had any dates since the start of Ramadan)

I am so damn confused. I have to make my decision by tomorrow. Help me!

The title is borrowed from Peter Carey's new novel which I have never read. My life is a fake. But more on that. Now have to go home and cook for break fast. Looks like it is going to rain...

Last night I was while lying on my bed staring at the light I suddenly decided to go home for summer holidays. So I estimated the budget in my head. But the excitement about the idea of going home made me jumped out of my bed and formulated my budget for the next 3 months on piece of paper.

So I decided to go home last night. But now I’m thinking of going to Sydney because a friend of mine who I met during BTN course had invited me to join her in Sydney. Sydney or Alor Setar? Billy said I should go to Sydney first and then to KL. Oh…btw…we’ve start talking to each other again after exchanging some letters as if nothing has happened…hmmm…

Anyway, if I decide to go home I should try to arrive in time for Eid. And before that I have to submit my final assignment which due on the 8th of November…I’ll decide tomorrow after I call MAS…and now back to my assignment!!!