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Yesterday I felt so depressed. I felt so irritated by everyone and everything. Just wanted to scream in everybody's face...and for this whole week, I slept a lot. Almost up to 12 hours a day. I felt lethargic and just wished I could lie on my bed 24/7.

I was so sleepy in the Masters Room yesterday that I couldn't do anything. So I decided to go home. I told my friend that I just wanted to get some sleep. And her reply surprised me. She said sometimes people got depressed when the season change from winter to spring. Hmm..the changing of the season is not so obvious here. Anyway, I didn't tell her that I'm depressed, I just told her that I'm sleepy! Do I look that depressed?

Hmmm...I think I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, but wait...there's only one side of my bed that I can wake up from i.e my right side so how can I woke up on the wrong side...

Hahaha...buat lawak gelak sendiri, dah tu buat lawak bodoh pulak. Anyway I feel bad the whole day...tension nak mampus...I don't know why...

Why? Why e-Heath?

I'm bored and now I think of my professor for Interaction Design course is a rock star!!! Long live Stephen, I'm your number one fan. Your my idol...;)

Seriously, I admire his work and radical ideas...I just wish that I'm not so old when I can actually publish something...

Yesterday morning, it rained. The first time since I got here. God, I’m so thankful for the rain. The weather here is very dry and although it is cold the coldness is not as refreshing as Cameron Highland’s coldness. For the last couple of weeks, the sun shone brightly throughout the days and the cold wind blew strongly and the sun and the wind they bite and stung my eyes my skin my flesh. And result of all those biting and stinging of the hot blazing sun and the cold dry wind are rashes, rashes, and more rashes. The rain tamed this harsh biting stinging weather a little. Hmmm…

Everyday when I walk to the Uni, I pass by a cemetery. Last night, I got home late from the Uni, I passed by the cemetery. Now, it’s already dark, and I am going to pass by the cemetery again...

Yesterday, I‘d came to the realization that I could no longer enjoy the quiet life of a student. I went to the masters room with the motivation of finishing my eHealth assignment, which happened to be a course that I “have to” take due to the fact that most of the courses that I must starts with are only offered in semester 1, but of course the first thing I did was to check my email. And there it was the one mail that made me realized that I’m currently and actually working for a particular institution.

The email was from the Dean of my school back in Malaysia. He is coming to UQ at the end of this month to sign a MoU which will enable my school to start a new program with the help of a UQ visiting professor. He’s been trying to contact the liaison person but with no avail. So he emailed me and asked me to get information for him. And he started his email with “I need your immediate attention…” Thus I had to forget my eHealth assignment for a while, and started searching for the info he wanted. At that particular moment, I realized that I just can’t lead a student's life that I used to lead. If you’re a student, you don’t have to respond to any orders from anyone. Nobody cares if you don’t do your assignment or missing from classes. And the greatest thing is the flexibility you have. You can do things at your own time in your own way. Now that I’m working, I have to respond to the Dean, and in this scenario, what he wanted is more important that what I wanted to do. Anyway, just to give myself a boost of motivation, I kept on thinking that if the new program is successful the chances for me to teach in Shah Alam are high. Amin….

Then, after I’d tackled the task the Dean gave me, I started to do my assignment but only to find out that I used up my entire download quota. So I still couldn’t do my work. Thus I decided to go to the post office and post some forms to the scholarship department. I took the usual no 8 bus, but the bus didn’t take the usual route. Since I’m not very fond of public transportation, I was almost shocked to death when the bus passed by Ipswich central and went to a place I’ve never been before. Maybe you can assume that I have a phobia of public transportation. I got off the bus and lucky me, there were another UQ students and I followed them to the central. After I posted my letters, there was another 1 hour before the bus came, so I decided to do some groceries. I went to the ATM machine but I was very frustrated when I couldn’t remember my new ATM PIN. I sat on a bench nearby and tried hard to remember. Unfortunately, I only remember the PIN five minutes before the bus arrived. So no shopping for me…

Well, I can’t decide whether to feel good or bad about yesterday. Maybe it doesn’t matter how I regarded yesterday. And last night, I dreamed that someone gave me a cheque with the amount of 330 000, but I don’t remember whether the amount was in Malaysian Ringgit or Australian Dollar…Ok, back to work now…eHealth…eHealth…

Before I come to the Masters Room today, I saw a TV program for kids about making friends. One of the tips given was to look for someone who has the same interest as you. I have found someone who, in this perspective of mine after knowing him for several weeks, has exactly the same interest as I have. But I don’t find it pleasant at all; I find this unexplainable coincidence daunting. I first met him during the orientation for international students. He is obviously rather shy. He’s quiet and he looks sad most of the time. Just like I am or just like what other people used to describe me.

I found out about our shared interest when I bought ‘Moon Tiger’ by Penelope Lively. I went to Brisbane to get my textbook and I just couldn’t resist the delicious thought of buying a new fiction when I was surrounded with appetizing books which yummy prices will only last for three days. I succumbed at last to the impulse buying temptation. The book was on the coffee table when he came to have a discussion with my roommate.

“I love fictions, so you read fictions too?” he asked. I said “Yes, what are you reading now?” “I’m reading ‘The Curious Incident of a Dog in the Night Time’”. That’s the last book I read. What a coincidence. Then we discussed the booker prize. He looked at my Sarah McLachlan CD. “Oh I have her DVD. She was actually touring Oz just before we got here. What a pity we miss her show! I think she’s still on tour somewhere. Where is she now?” I have no idea. I haven’t visited her website since I arrived here. And he likes Bjork too although he just cannot grab the concept of her latest album. And Tori Amos, okay Tori Amos is a little too much for me…And the list of sameness goes on. He doesn’t really enjoy sci-fi. He enjoys romantic comedy which I usually feel quite ashamed to confess. He thinks of cooking as an experiment. He’s okay with household chores because that’s what he had to do at home…unlike my housemate who has never washed a single saucer before. He likes to swim but he hasn’t gone to swim for a long time now. Exactly the same answer I gave to people when asked about sports I enjoy.

Okay that’s enough for me. Looking at his personality makes me feel like looking in the mirror. Luckily, for this few weeks we don’t really get along, maybe because both of us are just plain lazy to speak and both of us don’t talk that much either. Thank God…it’s so creepy when you find someone who, in your point of view, is so much like you. Hmm…when I come to think of it, I consider pkry as my best friend but we have nothing in common. I used to think that I should try to like his interest but now I think it’s a blessing that we are so completely different. Thank God!

Yesterday I was asked, “What is happiness to you?”

I was dumbfounded. I just didn’t know the answer. What is happiness really? So last night I gave the question a thought.

I think happiness is relative to the situation someone is in. It is also in certain circumstances a choice. I would like to emphasize that happiness is only a choice when our surroundings is in still in our control. Or when we think we are in control of things. For example, in facing the lost of loved ones people can’t choose to be happy. If one does choose to be happy in that kind of situation, something must be wrong or the person is just suppressing the sadness.

But still I haven’t really answered the question. What is happiness to me?

I know what makes me happy. Achieving my goals makes me happy, but not for a long time though. I will surely look for another goal to achieve. Watching a good movie, listening to music, swimming and eating out in a fancy restaurant make me happy...still only for a short duration of time. What about reading fiction? Nope, I don’t think reading makes me happy. I just read to escape the harsh reality of life. When I come to think of it, perhaps all the things that I do that make me happy are just a mere escapism? A mere escapism from everything that I don’t like and can’t control?

Again, I come back to the question, what is happiness to me...

Maybe, happiness is when I learn to be content with all that I have but at the same time try my best to be better in every aspect of life, without feeling down if I don’t get what I aim or, because I already got everything that I want when I am content with what I already have. Got that? Hmm…maybe that is happiness to me, maybe…

So, what is happiness to you?

The first morning I awoke in Australia I heard the strange sound of birds. I've never heard this kind of sound before I thought to myself, alone in my cold bed. Sure enough that morning was my first morning on a strange land. Maybe this land is so not strange, it is only so new to me.

There are many types of wild birds in Ipswich, so diverse that sometimes I think I'm in a bird aviary. Maybe because I've only seen so many different types of birds all together in the same place at the zoo. Once I thought these birds were so out of place, flying freely among buildings and human. But when I come to think of it, it is human that is so out of place here. The birds got here in the first place!