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Recently I overheard someone said:

'Hey...this must be designed by a girl'. Camna dia tahu? Pandai-pandai jer. Another fine example of gender stereotype. So I got this idea for my portfolio design. I want people to think that the portfolio belongs to a female student. Do you guys reckon that this design looks feminine...

Aduh, smlm sakit perut. Hari ni dah ok tapi kerap jugak ke tandas. Bila di pikirkan balik, hari jumaat aritu muntah2. Keracunan makanan ka aku ni?

Sekarang ni rajin pulak bloghopping. Kebanyakan blog main lagu raya. Sekarang ni aku rasa bersalah sungguh la. Bukan apa, aku langsung tak ada rasa apa2 pun nak Hari Raya ni. Tak ada rasa gembira ataupun nostalgik ka apa pun tarak. Rasa cam hari biasa. Tak ada pulak rasa excited nak tunggu raya macam aku selalu rasa masa aku kat rumah dulu2. Macam mana nak rasa excitednya, semua org lain sekeliling aku hari2 yg berlalu adalah seumpama hari biasa buat diaorang. Camna la aku nak feeling-feeling...

Semalam bangun pagi muntah2. Sebab panas kut.

Berjalan ke Uni sebelum tengah hari. Sampai Uni muntah lagi. Tataula batal ke tak posa? So I decided not to fast. Pergi dapur Uni buat kopi. Pelik pulak makan kat public waktu bulan posa ni. Jumpa Cameron and greeted him. While I was making coffee I remembered that Cam’s surname starts with a D. So he’s Cameron D.

I remembered this song:
“Cameron D and Destiny
Charlie’s Angel c’mon…”

I smiled to myself. A secret smile. Tiba2 jer felt like I was being watched. Malulah, tiba2 jer senyum sendirian. I looked up. Cameron pandang sambil senyum…

“…Don’t you ever, ever change…” kata beliau.

Loh…apa kena budak ni? Felt awkward…cepat2 excusekan diri konon2nya ada discussion dgn classmate…

Look who I found:

http://fendy117.blogspot.com/

And from friendsters, I found out the age of several of my lecturers. M sama umur dgn aku rupanya. But he looks older. But yea, when I shaved my head, most people who just met me said I'm 21, but now people think I'm 31. Apalah yg dihairan kan kalau M looks older.

S is 41. R is 35.

It’s raining, I don’t wanna walk home. I should do my multimedia work now, but I can’t be bothered.

I came late to the critique session this morning, and while other people were presenting their work, I went online and started bloghopping. In one blog I read that in Malaysia now everyone is in ‘Raya mood’ . Hmm…I don’t even feel the Raya mood here. Not at all. Dah masuk kandang kambing ni, dah ikut resmi kambing dah. Nak wat camna.

While I was online, I tried to make an entry to my Uni reflective blog for this week. But I couldn’t update it. Without realizing it, I said out loud, “What the? What am I suppose to do now?” The guy who was presenting stopped. And Cameron who was assessing today gave me a stern look. (Dalam hatiku berkata, why him again this week?) I looked back at him. He turned his head away. I looked back at the screen. I continued typing, then I realized that the sound I made pressing the keys on the keyboard was audible in that quiet room. Cameron looked. I looked back at him. He turned away. Deja vu. I continued typing.

All the lights in the room was switch off, somehow I feel safe not to give any attention to the presentation. Entahlah apa nak jadi. Kurang ajarkah aku ini?

But Cameron was “good” to all today. No harsh comments at all. Bagus.

Saya jumpa pantun ni kat internet. Macam best pulak:

Anak buaya terenang-renang
Anak kunci dalam perahu
Hanya saya terkenang-kenang
Orang benci saya tak tahu

Have so much to do but for some reason have done nothing. Why am so I like this? So I decided to tell you a story.

One not-so-peaceful day, I was walking down the corridor. Saw Cameron and his friend. He walked passed and out of the blue he asked…

Cameron: Hanif, am I harsh?

I turned back and look at him…

Me: (Dalam hati) Harsh? Amende yg dia cakap ni? Ooo ni mesti kes cara dia marking ni…

Me: A little bit…

Cameron: (Sulking) No…I’m not. I can’t believe this…especially not from you Hanif…

Me: (Dalam hati) Chis…merajuk pulak. Dah tanya org…terima la apa saja jawapannnya…ntah apa2…

Cameron is a tutor. He’s younger than me. It’s well known among lecturers and students that he’s a bit strict in marking. But few days before, M and a student “discuss” about Cameron openly in class (dalam kata lain, mengumpat hehe). At that time I couldn’t believe that they were saying something bad about him in front of the whole class. I was sure that somehow or another Cameron would know what they had said about him.

I kinda like Cameron. I think he understands me. And he likes my “quirkiness”. He gave me such a high mark for my ‘lamb-box’ last semester. Once he said, “Don’t stop being quirky Hanif…you crazy, crazy man…”

But I do think he’s a bit harsh when it comes to marking. I am talking about design here, it is very subjective. Cameron is very detail, and I don’t like it when he deduced marks for minor flaws in the design when overall concept behind the design is very good.

If somebody asked you, “Am I harsh/bad/(something negative)?” will you tell the truth?...

What the...

I posted an entry yesterday but it doesn't appear. I thought it would take some time to see it.

Anyway, here's my new installation. Online installation. A digital sculpture that creates a new experience in the cyber space.

I'm going insane....

Hi guys,

This is my new online installation. A digital sculpture to create a new experience in the cyber space.

It is called:

For you, I have all the time in the world...

Ya aku semakin lama semakin mereng...tapi adalah sungguh menenangkan bila aku tau ada org yg lebih mereng dari aku. Sekian

Hmmm… dah lama tak tulis sini.

This week had been hell for me. It all started when the AV guy gave me the wrong adaptor to connect a PC to a TV. In my installation, I need to display my program on a TV instead of a flat-screen monitor. And everybody asked the reason I need to do that. It is an installation for goodness sake. Do I always need to explain myself? So I spent 3 days to figure out what’s wrong.

Finally, IT service found out that I was given the wrong adaptor. And to make things worst, AV department in this campus doesn’t have the correct one. When I set up my installation in the main campus, the technician there helped me to connect the PC to the TV in a blink of an eye. So I assumed I wouldn’t have any problem when I set it up here. But oh boy I was wrong. Never assume too much.

In the end, I had to use a flat-screen monitor. And my installation was only set up yesterday and I had only four hours to do my experiment.

But everybody, from the lecturers, technicians and classmates had been so helpful. Thank God. I observed that helping culture is more prevalent here than in Malaysia, more prevalent among Australians than among Malays…

What do you guys think?

Ok I got 4 minutes before the office opens. I must return the digital camera today.

The last few days had been so warm. The temperature soared as high as 43 degrees Celsius. And there was bushfire near the house. We could the smoke in the sky.

Now the temperature has cool down a little. Thank God…

La esok dah posa ka? Tak sedaq habaq plak...apa nak jadi nin...

Jan jan jala
Jala itik jala ayam
Berapa lubang kancil
Seratus lima puluh

On the phone with my supervisor N…

N: I know you like to be independent, but this is the first time you do this type of work so ask K to look at it.
Me: Hmm…ok…

I didn’t want to ask K to look at it because he had to come all the way from the city. So I don’t want him to come all the way just for me. And he told me he has no car. But he’s been offering help since day one of the project. And N kept telling me to ask K to help me with a part of the project in which K is an expert.

Maybe it’s just me, I don’t know about other people, but I have learned that when I am desperately in need of help nobody would go out of their way to help me (other than my very close friends, you know who you are  ). Now that there is help available, I just don’t want it. There is also a fear in me that people would see me as someone who can’t be independent. So I started reading the manual and joining workshop so that I can work on the project, but still I didn’t ask K to have a look at my project.

But I think that what N said is true. Besides I’m getting nervous about testing the project next week. So to appease N and also to calm my nervousness, I asked K to come. And he came all the way from the city, only to spend about half an hour to look at the project, while the journey took him more than two hours. I feel so terrible about this.

I think Pkry would laugh if he knows that N said that I like to be independent…