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These are the things that I don’t like in life, for now.

I woke up with a shock this morning to sound of screaming voices. It was 6.50am. Puzzled by the noise I stared blankly at the ceiling and after a while I grasped that my housemates were watching soccer downstairs and were cursing and screaming at the top of their lung as if they were in a stadium. I felt so angry. I was so tired last night but I still went to the studio to complete my tute exercise and was hoping to wake up late. But some people decided to scream and shout early in the morning and there was nothing I can do.

My brother likes to watch soccer on TV at unusual hours too. But he never screams while he watches soccer, especially when he has to wake up early just to see a match. These people are weird.

I went downstairs. The kitchen was in a terrible mess and the garbage bin was full. I took out the garbage. I’m the only person who’s been taking out the garbage since the start of the semester. I’m not the Malaysian housemate, but the Malaysian housemaid. I couldn’t care about the dishes in the sink anymore this morning. Usually when I wake up early to pack my lunch I have to clean the mess first so that I will not contaminate my food. But every time I come home late at night after a long day at Uni, the kitchen is in a mess again. I don’t mind if things are not put in their place, but I just can’t stand dirty counter and floor and piling dishes. There’s no harm if the house is messy because things are thrown all over the place, but if the floor, counter, stove, dishes are dirty, people may get sick and pest will make the house their home.

I’m in a terrible mood today. I exceeded my network drive quota and was told to reduce the size by tomorrow. I was so mad that the system doesn’t give out warning when I exceeded the quota in the first place but let me exceed way over the limit. I emailed the admin but I accidentally clicked reply all and my lecturer who the admin CCed also got my angry email. What the hell! My lecturer replied saying that if they imposed hard quota, files are likely to be corrupted because some files may not be saved completely. I don’t care. This Uni is excellent in Interaction Design research and this type of scenario should be handled better. I’m really angry with this and I want to complain. Students here complain much more than me. But that’s another story. I’ll tell the story in the next entry.

My classmate said that I’m such a workaholic. What she said is somewhat true. Although for the moment I’m so bored with all the projects I have, still I come as early as I could to Uni and stayed until late at night. But what she doesn’t know is that I consider studying and doing my projects as a form of escapism. I want to escape from things that I don’t like in life. I’ll describe examples in future entry. But now I’m going to talk about being a workaholic.

As children, I believe almost all of us were being told that Malays are lazy, thus we were all encourage to work hard and shape a better future for the Malays. And always, Malay laziness was being brought up during high school’s motivation workshops. Somehow or another, I think the education system has produced a generation of hardworking people if not workaholic. There are many people that I know among my generation that can proved this. I got an email from Pkry recently. He said it was 9.30pm in Malaysia but he was still in the office doing work. He said he felt happy when he got a lot of work to do. And my brother always spend his Sundays at his office doing overtime. Even though he only got paid for 4 hours he usually stays the whole day to finish his work. My sister works after office hours and during weekends when she has event to manage. My cousin’s husband who has his own business usually won’t come home before 11 at night. When I was doing my practical in the City Council the new head of department who is a year older than me was not liked by the older staffs because she’s so ‘hardworking’. And my classmate said I’m workaholic.

The fact is Malays have never been a lazy race. Due to the environment, and the nature of paddy planting, Malay males only had to work 3 months a year. That’s why Malays used to have ‘relax’ attitude. The British who at that time didn’t understand anything about diversity and the only right way was their way, saw Malays as lazy, and used that to suppress and lowered the motivation of the race. Most of my friends here who came from busy places like Singapore and Japan see Australians as relax and slow. This is because there in no need to rush here and there are more than enough space and resources for everyone. That’s what used to be like with Malays. Foods were plenty and there were no natural disaster that would alter the way of life. Thus we tend to ‘relax’.

But not anymore. Mon studied for ‘almost 18 hours per day for four full month’ for his qualifying exam. And he got through it. Congrats Mon…sorry tak sempat nak ucap lebih awal…busy la sekarang nin...So the point is Malays are not lazy. And I have proof for this.

But is there a line between hardworking and workaholic? For me, as long as you enjoy working, there’s no harm in working hard.

I woke up late today. I don’t know why. I’m bord with life. I’m bored with Uni work. Why do I feel this way when I have so much work to do?

Ok, I’m leaving this tutorial lab and going to the masters room to read ‘Watership Down’ by Richard Adams.

Just submitted my poster assignment online. I'll submit the hard copy tomorrow.

Today, I learned how to use charcoal to draw. After drawing session I went to CBD to get materials to build the display of my poster. Since I’m very much into installation now, I think it would be better for me to incorporate installation element in my work.

While walking past a souvenir shop after I bought papers that I need from a craft store, I suddenly recalled the time when I was still in primary school when I wanted my mom to buy me a box of 30-piece colour pencil. Back in those days most pupils only used 12-piece set and a 30-piece set was considered very expensive. But my mom bought the colour pencil that I wanted. She didn’t even complain or scold me for wanting expensive thing. I’m the only one among my siblings who had a 30-piece set and though my brother is only a year older than me, he never asked mom to buy the same colour pencil for him too. My brother and sister never asked for expensive stationary or toys. I’m the spoiled one. Maybe just a bit.

So I was thinking while I walked past by the souvenir shop whether I would ever repay my mom. If she asks me to buy her expensive things, would I buy for her without saying a word?

*photos from lone pine can now be viewed here.

Recently, while chatting with my acquaintances, the topic of rich people came up. An acquaintance made a comment of how this and that persons are rich and described their behaviours (dalam kata lain, mengumpat). I didn’t really like what he said and was surprised that he was able to tell if a person is rich or not when he first meets him or her. When asked about it, he told me quite naively that he can tell if a person is rich or not by the way the person talk and his or her unfriendliness, he said rich people always shows that they have no interest in you.

Then another acquaintance agreed, but he said although he can tell if somebody is rich or not, sometimes he makes mistake in his assumption. And what he said hurt me a bit, and maybe more than a bit. He said,

“You know when you meet an international student you would assume his rich but because of the way he acts, you think he’s just another scholarship receiver that the government picked from the streets or somethin’. But when you see the car he’s driving you know you’re wrong!”

I don’t know whether he had an intention to hurt my feelings. I would like to think that he hadn’t because I want to see the good in people. I received a scholarship and maybe from his benchmark my way of life is just like living on the streets. I don’t know. These guys are filthy rich. No, they’re not rich but their parents are. Well at least I’m here on my own efforts and I know I deserved the scholarship.

I’m just wondering why I am surrounded by this kind of people. I think I should stay away from them. There’s this full-time master student about my age who teaches part-time in a school for disabled children, and I respect him more that those ungrateful brats, because for me, what he does is something noble, challenging and something that I can’t even think that I would do. Those brats should be in his shoes sometimes!

I think this is my second entry with the same title. Just had design critique session with my lecturer. He suggested a few changes or refinement to my poster which I think I can explore. But then when I explained the concept of my poster he contemplated for a while, then he looked as if he was going to say something, but held his words. He was quiet for a few minutes. At last, he said that every time he was going to suggest something his ideas just doesn’t suit the concept. So that’s why he was quiet for almost ten minutes!

I really don’t know what he thinks of the poster. The truth is I’m quite pissed off trying too hard to be good, because nothing is ever good enough for me. That’s why I want my poster to be simple and maybe bland. People nowadays can’t seem to enjoy simple things in life (including me). I just want to reconnect to the simple pleasure of everyday, common, and routine things in life. It is strange that as children, an empty box can give us hours of pleasure, but as adult only complicated and refined things can give us enjoyment.

I’m quite worried of how much mark I’ll get for my poster…and will I ever be good enough…or at least my work has a little bit of professionalism in it...I don't know…and maybe I don’t really care too…now.

Last Saturday I went to Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary in Brisbane with B, Pauline and Yuan. The trip was an experience of a lifetime for me. I petted sheep! LOL…

Yes of course, some would say that, a sheep is such a common farm animal and most people have seen it. I saw sheep before in Malaysia but I never actually touched them. In Lone Pine Koala Sanctuary, there is a dog sheep show where a shepherd shows off his skills of using dogs to control his flock of sheep. At the end of the show the audience are allowed to pet the sheep. Oh what adorable creatures, they made me want to cuddle and kiss. Their wool is so thick and they’re so fat! I wonder if they feel hot during the day!

And of course, the star attraction of the sanctuary is the koala. Visitors are allowed to pet a koala while the care taker is hugging it. Before my turn came to pet it, there were a little boy and a girl who petted it first. They asked the care taker, “Can we scratch its belly?” Once they get the permission, they scratched the creature’s belly so affectionately and the koala put up its face as if it was enjoying it. I guessed the best part of coming to a place like this is not just the animal, but to see how children in their curiosity and innocence, which some adults have lost, interact with the animals.

My experience of coming in close contact with kangaroos here was different from the experience I got at Dreamworld. Here I was surrounded by kangaroos and wallabies and some of the kangaroos are really big that I get quite scared, maybe also due to the fact that there is a warning sign that said, “Enter at your own risk” at the entrance of kangaroo’s place. Visitors are allowed to feed the animal with a special food that can be bought before entering the enclosure, and of course, the park provides guidance on how to feed the kangaroos without injuring yourself. The trick is to sit down and put one’s hand lower than the roos while feeding them. If one stands up, there is a chance to get scratch by a roo because it will try to pull down the hand that has the food with its front legs, which have pretty sharp and big claws. It was such an interesting experience to feed the roos and feeling their soft tongue on my palm, and sometime I could feel their teeth too…which made me think that I may get bitten if I was not careful. Although I was a little bit nervous being in the circle of roos, B seemed to truly enjoy himself…hmmm..

There are also other animals such as dingo, wombat, emu, Tasmanian Devil, and snakes. I missed the feeding of the wild lorikeet, because we got there quite late. This made me feel like going there again!

My housemate made a stupid April fool joke on me. I just came back from the common room to collect my mail. I got a letter from my Uni in Malaysia and every time I see a letter with the Uni logo I feel a little worry because of my previous not-so-good experience with the administration. Thank god, it was just a confirmation letter about the result that I sent to them a month ago. I was relieved but the not-so-good feeling lingered in my stomach when I went inside my unit.

My housemate was in the living room and he asked me whether I have heard about the earthquake in Malaysia. He told me 3000 people died. I thought he had mistaken about the news he heard and I corrected him that there was earthquake in Indonesia and though Malaysia felt the tremor, nobody was hurt. But then he told me that he knew about what happened in Indonesia but there is another earthquake and this time Malaysia is badly affected. My neighbour whom I least expected to be so stupid agreed with my housemate and confirmed that he heard about the news this evening.

In a split second, the image of my mom’s face and my sister’s face flashed through my mind. And then I remembered that during the last earthquake, southern region was more affected by the tremor. My mom called me the morning after the earthquake and told me that my auntie in Putrajaya had to evacuate her flat. I guessed she called me so early in the morning because she didn’t want me to hear the news from TV first and got worried like the last time when the tsunami hit. When I thought about the southern region of Malaysia, I saw my cousin’s face in my mind. She is 7 month pregnant. Then I remembered Pkry. The images of Pulau Nias that I saw on TV flashed rapidly. The number 3000 echoed. And I remembered meeting an Indonesian friend on the bus this morning; he told me that scientists are predicting another earthquake. And I thought that with the world going crazy nowadays, anything could happen.

I guessed I turned a little bit pale. Today and yesterday I tried to call my mom several times but she didn’t answer. I called home and I called her cellphone. My heart beat faster and there was fear in my chest. I rushed upstairs to get my phone and said, “I better call home,” when my friend said, “Hey man, it’s a joke, April fool man…” he laughed. My neighbour laughed. Probably there are still laughing now. Stupid 19-year-old. When you see him, you see a man. But the mind is still of a child. I wonder why is he so stupid.

I am so angry with them. I couldn’t imagine how I can manage if anything happen to my family while I’m here. I know things happen. And there are things, which are not in our hand. So don’t joke about them. People dying are not jokes. Hundreds of thousand people dying or dead are not jokes. The possibilities that your loved ones could be dead are not jokes.